Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
