He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize