Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
