I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
