i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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