So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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