So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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