dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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