honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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