Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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