there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
