I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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