Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
