Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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