Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
