I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize