I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
