hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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