After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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