when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
