I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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