Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
