You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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