Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
