Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
