nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
