that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
