I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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