What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
