Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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