I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
