U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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