I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
