It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
