I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
