playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
