In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize