Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
high people should be assigned attendants
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
