They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
