dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't turn off my feet"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
