I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
