Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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