no you cant smoke seaweed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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