guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
