She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
