i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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