Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
