Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I forget how to act sober
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
