Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
