Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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