in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
