before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
