the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
