So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
