The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
