If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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