His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
