We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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