Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
