Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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