You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
