I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
