it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
