I want to make a zoo with you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize