i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
