he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
