Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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