pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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