Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize