he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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