talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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