It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
