It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
