I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
