a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
