I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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