Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize