Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
