Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
