It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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