whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
