we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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