that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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