Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
