All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize