i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
