He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
