Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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