you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
