grandma shit on top of the toilet
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
