so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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