either way he was missing a nipple.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
