there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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