They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
