She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
