Who wears a wallet chain?!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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