I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Randomize
