She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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