Kiss
Puke
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
