Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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