He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
