I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize