Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
