i just google imaged poop.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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