The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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