He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
