Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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