It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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