recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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