apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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