FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize