I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she peed on how many people?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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